Dog Owners Say The Weirdest Things

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There are times in life when you catch yourself saying something that you never thought you would say, the kind of things that make you question your sanity, he kind of things even your therapist may wince at slightly. Well, these become a whole lot more common when a) you become a parent and b) you join the dog-owning world. Out of the two, the latter definitely brings up stranger lines.


You join this very large and weird group where those on the outside (that is to say people who have never owned a dog) stop being able to understand some of the things you are going through, and you can hardly blame them. After all, some of the things that slip out of your mouth are things you never thought you would say in a million years, such as these:


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“Please Would You Stop Chewing My Underwear”

Yup. Puppies chew absolutely everything they can get their teeth on and so there comes that time in every dog owner’s life where the chewing context includes your underwear. It is a weird scenario to find yourself in, yet you will no doubt land in on more than one occasion, quickly checking your window isn’t open and that the neighbors didn’t hear.


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“How Many Times; Stop Playing With Skunks”

If you are lucky enough to live in a place where skunks pose no existence, never mind a threat, then consider yourself lucky. If, however, you live in a skunk infested place then the struggle is real and you find yourself wondering what the secret to removing skunk odors are, if there is one at all (good news alert: there is!). The first time you ever smell that stench it is awful. It almost goes up your nostril and pierces your frontal lobe so that you never forget it. It is nauseating and the need to get rid of that stench becomes urgent before the value of your home starts to fall faster than Trump’s approval rating.


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“No, Not Metaphorically; Like An Actual Doggy Bag”

Yes, this is another one of those weird conversations you find yourself having as you explain to the waiter that you don’t want a doggy bag for us, but for our pooch, quickly wishing you had just kept your mouth shut and poured your restaurant leftovers into your handbag. The days of taking delicious leftover food home for yourself is over because all that lovely food gets put into your dog’s bowl for them to wolf down without any courtesy shown to the chef’s work. Hey ho.


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“Can We Have A Fourth July Without Fireworks This Year?”

Up until the day you owned a dog, fourth of July was all about enjoying the neighborhood fireworks and getting stuck into the street parties that bring the entire community together in fun and merriment. The moment you own a dog, though, fourth of July means packing up the car and driving into the middle of a wood. The barking and subsequent stress is just not worth it. Period. You would rather sleep in a car covered in hair than listen to your dog yelp like that.

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