photo courtesy of preschooler.thebump.com

           We love our kids, we know that they are not angels, but we hope that they behave nicely with others when we are not around.  One of my biggest fears as a mom when leaving my child is to hear, “your son had a bad day today, and did not behave”.  I feel like such a failure! Lately I have been going to gym pretty much every day, we attend church twice a week and I never really had a problem with leaving him.  Normally he keeps to himself and plays alone, However lately he has been engaging in pushing other kids.  At first I thought, “Where is this coming from, he never did this before”.  So I started talking to some other moms who have kids my sons age.  They told me that sometimes kids act out by pushing, biting, or hitting other kids sometimes this is caused by what they see on Television or from other kids around them.

             As parents we do not condone this and we don’t want our child to think it is ok to do these things.  Most of what I found about this situation has a lot to do with our latest addition to our family (my daughter 8 months).  Ever since she was born in July his behavior started to change for the worse.  My attention is focused more on her because she is a baby and I think that he has a sense of jealousy.  Now he is a little rough with her, sometimes he will pinch her.  I have to keep a very close eye on him and can’t leave them alone together.  I do have days when I can spend time with just him and this helps, but there are days when my little girl is fussy and I need to tend to her. 

            So what’s the solution to dealing with this? I don’t know exactly the right answer, but here’s a few things I have been doing to help him play nice.  Below are a few tools I have used to help him to behave better here at home and with others.  So far so good, slowly but surely he will grow out of it. 

Communication:   Sometimes we think that because our kids are small, they don’t understand us.  Well they do! Make sure to always use “words” when talking to them.  For example, saying “no, no, no” is not going to work.  In my case, my son repeats it and says it ALL the time.  It’s all about tone with kids, if you are constantly yelling and blowing up they are going to use that as their example.  For me I have starting telling my son, “don’t hit your friends, that’s not nice…big boys have to be nice”.  This will help them to understand what they did.

Reminders:    Just like adults kids also need to be reminded to do something.  Every time we are going to leave my son, we tell him “be nice and don’t push you friends”.  Usually when we remind him he does well that day.  We often tell him, “keep your hands to yourself”.  One of his favorite shows YO Gabba Gabba really helps with this issue.   Sometimes I notice that he does things to his sister when he is bored or wants attention.

Emotions: It is so important that your child understands emotions.  If they understand what it means to be sad or cry because you pushed them, this is a good sign and you are headed in the right direction.  If they do not understand these things, you can work with them.  You can explain to them when you are sad or happy because they did something nice.  For example, when my son picks up his toys I tell him how happy it makes me to see him clean up his toys.  Once they understand what it means to actually hurt someone else I think that the pushing/hitting will subside. 

            These are just a couple of things I have been using to help my toddler adapt to his surroundings.  I referred to the web for some advice, but I felt that the information they provide is biased.  They use words like normal and abnormal, I always ask myself when seeing this

“normal according to whom?”.  I think that every child is different, there is no normal child in my opinion.  The internet and doctors automatically want to say something is wrong with your child.  I try to stay away from that to prevent my mind from wandering off and thinking something is wrong with my child.  Kids need attention and will learn from you, if you practice at something every day they will eventually adapt and learn. 

            I really hope that this post has helped some of you mommies out there who have similar issues.  This is something that I continue to struggle with, remember I am an imperfect mother and through my experience hope to reach out to you.  Thanks for stopping by, I look forward to your feedback and comments.   Remember to share with other mommies so together we can keep striving for mommy success.