The Aggressive Preschooler
Photo Courtesy of quickanddirtytips.com via google images
One of the worst feelings as a parent is when your child is aggressive and hits one of his peers. It’s something that happens, but can be controlled. My son is progressing academically, but he is having a difficult time expressing his emotions and acts out by hitting when things do not go his way. Automatically we as parents start to think the worse, and we….GOOGLE! Yep I said it, sometimes the internet can be a scary place because it often gives you the worse cast scenario. It’s hard as a parent to think your child is the “problem Child” in class. So rather than moping around and complaining about how awful this situation is, I tried to turn it into a positive and evaluate the problem at hand. I began to ask myself a few questions; What can I do different to help him? How can I motivate him to share?
So after the teacher spoke with me about this issue, I went home and immediately started making changes. So far these things have helped me and he is becoming less aggressive and frustrated. Here are some tips on Managing an aggressive preschooler.
1. Use your words
Communication is always key. In my previous blog posts I have mentioned that just because your kids are little doesn’t mean they do not understand you. They do! My son is starting to learn to communicate more effectively and we are using his baby sister as the guinea pig. The first person he doesn’t want to share with and hits is her. I started teaching him, “I am playing with this sister, here’s another car let’s play together” It seems to be working and he is hitting and pushing less often. I am also working with him, if you have two cars you can let your sister (or friends) play with one too. I understand his frustration because sometimes he just wants to play on his own, but in a classroom setting it’s really hard and they have to learn to deal with that.
2. Monitor play time
I fall victim of this constantly. Sometimes I let them play while I do the dishes and other chores and I check on them periodically. Since he has been really rough with his classmates and sister I have been sitting in on their playtime together. Making sure they share, I’m basically reinforcing it. I remind him to take turns and to wait his turn. They actually both like this because I am in there with them playing, they don’t realize I’m teaching them something as well.
3. Read books about emotions and hitting
Great book for preschoolers!
Scholastic has some great books about these specific topics. I bought a pack of four books: Don’t Push, Don’t Yell, Don’t Hit, and Don’t Bite. All things I believe toddlers and preschoolers suffer from. I always try and make story time as interactive as possible, asking him questions about the story, what he likes, and what the pictures say. For example, “does hitting make him happy or sad” He will respond with saying, “sad”. Great tools for helping them understand their own emotions when someone hits or pushes them.
4. Positive reinforcements
I think I always talk about this, because It truly works. Kids don’t respond well to negativity, they need those positive words to get them going and to keep them going. Words like, Good Job! Well Done! You’re Awesome! I usually give him a sticker when I see his good behavior, there’s something about stickers that kids absolutely adore. At the end of the week, we celebrate his good behavior with a special outing or treat. He looks forward to this so he tries to be on his best behavior.
5. Ask for help or advice
We don’t always have all the answers and that’s Ok. It’s important to talk to someone a teacher, a friend, or fellow mom about this issue and maybe their advice can help you. My son’s teacher really helped me when this happened, she also recommended that I stay in class with him at least once a week to monitor and reinforce his behavior. It’s a team effort, always make sure to discuss things with your husband/partner so that you both are on the same page. Dad’s input and help can really encourage your child in so many ways.
6. Make sure your child gets enough rest
At a certain age your child takes less naps during the day. My now four year old struggles with nap time. I have to force it, but it’s important for them to get enough rest to help them focus as well. If they become overly exhausted then they start to act out this could be the reason behind the behavioral problems. According to WebMD:
3-6 Years Old: 10 – 12 hours per day
Children at this age typically go to bed between 7 and 9 p.m. and wake up around 6 and 8 a.m., just as they did when they were younger. At 3, most children are still napping, while at 5, most are not. Naps gradually become shorter as well. New sleep problems do not usually develop after 3 years of age.
7. Turn a sticky situation into a positive one
Kids can sense when they are doing something wrong from your attitude and tone. My son is a very visual learner. He enjoys music, dance, and instruments to help him learn. I try to make up songs to encourage sharing and the positive behavior. He loves this. If they see you handling this situation as a task they may react differently towards it and could possibly regress. In the beginning when I knew he was a little rough, I would get frustrated and impatient with teaching him which obviously caused him to become more physical with other kids.
It’s really hard to stick to your guns with your kids. Keeping a positive attitude and remaining calm is not easy. Just remember this isn’t easy for them either, they are struggling and need our guidance to help them. It’s nice to see my son getting along with other kids and sharing and it’s our job to set the example.
I really hope that some of these tips are helpful to you. It’s been really difficult working with my little one, especially now because my daughter is starting to pick up a few of my son’s habits. Now my goal is directing them towards the right path.
Share some of your mommy stories here by leaving me your feedback! Remember I always respond and look forward to hearing your thoughts on the topic. Together we can continue to strive for mommy success! 🙂
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/sleep-children
XOXO,
Reina
What do I do when my kids are the ones being bitten and hit by other kids? And I’m the one watching them.
That’s such a great question, Tara. Although my son is the hitter in this specific situation, I have in some cases seen some of his classmates hit or push him. I try to direct it to the teacher or teacher’s aide. Sometimes they don’t catch everything so it’s important to address it with them immediately. If he or she is the one being hit it could definitely cause them to act out aggressively so I recommend talking them about hitting as well, so they know what to do and who to talk to when it happens. I hope this helps.
I wanted to give a quick update on this topic. I have been working with my son for two weeks now and although it has been difficult, there have been major improvements. I continue to follow the tips I provided in the post, however I have also had to monitor him at school as well. The teacher and Aide can only do so much because there are other kids in the class. He is now learning the concept of communication and getting his point across without hitting or pushing. We practice here at home with his little sister. She may not understand fully what he means when he tells her, “no sister, that’s mine” however it’s important for him to express that emotion without frustration. I am hoping to continue this path so that he will improve in school and play well with others.