The saying “you can’t choose your family” is meant to evoke a particular feeling reaction. If we’re close to our family, we’re dismissive of it: “I might not have chosen them, but I still think they’re great!”
If we come from a family more prone to arguments, then the reaction will be more along the lines of: “tell me about it” with some eye-rolling to match.
The crux of the saying, though, is to evoke a sense of being trapped. Your family is your family and you get the one you’ve been given – for better or for worse. It’s a nice, throwaway remark – because we can throw it away. When we have moved out of our parents’ home, if our family drives us mad, we can strictly control our exposure to them.
Our neighbors? Not so much.
You don’t choose your neighbors, either. They come with the house you buy and, frequently, you don’t even get a chance to meet them prior to the day you move into your new home. Considering how little say-so we have over them and the extent to which they can irritate our lives, maybe we should redirect the saying?
If you don’t get along with your neighbors, there’s good reason to try and fix the problem. You never know when you might need them for some kind of all-encompassing activity, like a disaster such as seeing your street through a storm. The last thing you want is to have simmering tensions; and besides, these are people you are going to see frequently. No one is saying you need to be close friends, but you do need to at least be civil.
If you fear things have already gone too far, then there is always a way to bring things back round. After all, everybody needs good neighbors…
Step One: Go and Talk To Them
If you’ve had a previous dispute with a neighbor, this idea might be about as popular as a family of MRSA taking up in a hospital ward. However, you’re an adult. You’ve got this. You’re going to be able to handle it.
Try and get to the heart of the dispute. If it’s been over land, contact fencing contractors to see about separating your borders once and for all. This is such a frequent area for neighbors to argue over but it has such an easy fix – you may find when areas are clearly defined, everyone calms down. Getting a professional eye, who knows their way around the legalities of land ownership, will make everything easier.
If the problem has been about behavior – yours or theirs – then everyone needs to explain and apologize. Hopefully, they will see your side if you manage to explain in a calm, rational manner. Avoid directly attacking them for their choices of how loud they play the music or how annoying their parking habits are – instead, present the issues they cause you.
Step Two: Charm Offensive
Bake cookies. Offer to do chores for them when you’re doing them for your own home. Anything to show you have a nice side that doesn’t want to fight anymore.
Step Three: Speak To A Professional
If your dispute hasn’t been solved by the above, then it might be time to bring in a professional mediator. This may seem like a big step, but your neighbors have a direct influence on your quality of life. It’s better this than going around in circles.
Step Four: Move
Well, it’s got to be better second time around, right?
