Postpartum Depression is Real

Postpartum depression is a condition that affects more than three million women in the United States alone. Many of us, do not recognize the symptoms or shake off as “nothing” or “not a big deal”. As a mother of four, my pregnancies have been different each time. Thankfully I’ve had awesome pregnancies and natural deliveries, but postpartum is tough.

Adjusting to having a new baby at home, balancing my older kids’ routines, and making time for myself is very challenging. This time around, PPD hit me in a way I never expected, here is my experience and few tips I’d like to share with all of you.

My Story

My daughter was born in February of this year, she’s my fourth and final baby. She is amazing, healthy and the perfect addition to our family. Initially after her birth I was exhausted like any new mom, I felt all the pains, getting used to having a newborn again and the breastfeeding routines.

I struggled with the thought of coming home to my kids. It scared me, I wanted to stay in the hospital longer and have more time to really bond with my baby girl. I knew real life was about to set in and I wasn’t ready for it. An overwhelming feeling took over my emotions.

Once I returned home, my kids were so happy to see me and meet their new sister, although I was in a house full of people I felt so alone. I felt sad and incomplete and couldn’t explain why. I would just sit and cry. Not only was I exhausted, but my routine kicked in the following week. I was expected to cook, clean and dive right in to normalcy. It was harder than I anticipated.

Didn’t I deserve more time? I just gave birth, wasn’t I allowed a little more time to heal. But as mothers, we get right into it, because, well that’s life and it has to be done. Being my fourth, I already knew how to take care of a baby, and ideally what to what to expect—but it’s never what you expect! You can’t predict the baby’s reaction after birth, every baby is different and so are you.

We’re invincible until we realize we’re not.

Photo courtesy of Google images

I felt talking about my kids in any negative way, or complaining about being pregnant or the birth, was selfish. What good will complaining do, I knew what was going to happen with four kids, I am thankful for each of my children I was not looking for someone to feel sorry for me, but I hoped for a little compassion.

With four kids I don’t expect a lot of help, and asking is not my strong suite. I felt guilty for needing help, I wanted to do it all, but part of the problem with that is we all need it every now and then. We need to accept that parenthood is hard! There are many challenges and like the saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a family”,and it’s so true! We don’t realize how hard it is and that being a mother is never ending. Accepting the fact you are not almighty and taking or asking for help is perfectly fine.

If you are like me and do not have many options for help, I feel your pain. Everyone in my immediate life works and has their own lives. Ultimately, I needed to sulk it up and figure things out for my kids and family. But while doing that I didn’t know I was hurting myself in the process.

I didn’t realize I had a problem

I am always so busy that I didn’t recognize I had PPD until I my six-week postpartum appointment. They handed me a questionnaire, which asked some difficult questions. Some were hard to answer, and others I couldn’t relate to, all the while I had no idea I felt these things. After filling in my answers I bursted into tears. I had so many questions;

How could I possibly be sad when I am so filled with joy?

I love my baby and kids, what’s wrong with me?

What am I complaining about?

I am lucky to have children, why am I being so selfish?

I felt guilt and shame because I am so blessed and there was no reason to feel this way. Looking back to that day, I see now I shouldn’t feel that way. This happens to all of us, after taking to my doctor I needed help, and I wasn’t alone.

Seeking Help

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My Doctor referred to a therapist. I didn’t know how to react to talking with a complete stranger regarding my feelings. The thought of telling my husband was overwhelming. Being strong for my family is important for me, I am a fighter and for the first time I felt I lost the battle.

Despite my reservations with therapy, deep down I knew this was the right thing to do. I met with the therapist -who is wonderful by the way, I began to open up like a flower in bloom. Taking about everything from my kids, my son’s autism diagnosis, relationships and lack of of relationships and friendships, my constant feelings of loneliness and so much more.

It’s been a few weeks, and while I may not be cured, I’m feeling stronger every day. Talking with someone has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that it’s going to take time, but I am willing to put in the work to get back to my happy place.

Support System

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One of my biggest fears was telling my husband about my PPD. Not because I was afraid he wasn’t going to support me, but because of my role in the family. I am a full time stay-at-home-mom, my husband works a lot of long hours. It’s my responsibility to take care of the home, think of me as the executive Vice President of my home.

I run everything from budget to groceries. If fell apart the whole house would come crumbling down with me.

I wanted him to believe that I am superwoman and can handle it all while he works. But I also accepted we are a team and can conquer anything together. So I told him all about it, and his reaction was wonderful yet unexpected, It was a simple response, “Let’s fix it”. He was was right.

He understands I can’t do everything and he’s been doing little things that are a big help. He takes the kids to school or picks them up, takes them for a few hours on his days off so I can rest and spend time with the baby. He’s been encouraging me to write my feelings in a journal. I explained to him that these things go a long way and if I am well rested and feeling good, the house will run smoothly.

My advice is to talk to your spouse and let them know what’s going on. Take some time when they come home for work to talk about your day, and communicate. This is so important, because having that support system is crucial for your recovery.

You’re not Alone

Little by little, day by day you start to feel human again. It takes 9 long months to make a baby, why do we rush ourselves to bounce back after two weeks of giving birth? We need to acknowledge the symptoms and talk to our doctors for support. Women are amazing beings, but we’re not invincible it’s OK to ask for help. Ultimately remember you’re not alone, many women are going through the same thing. Stay strong, and take things one day at time.

I hope my story has helped encourage some of you out there struggling with PPD. I am happy to answer any questions you have. Below are some helpful links for PPD. Thanks for stopping by and remember, let’s keep striving for mommy success.