When you look at jobs we have done through time, we seem to have cornered the market in most of them. We’ve always had builders, but the palatial homes we can build now make old mud huts look like a joke. There have been doctors for centuries – but we know better than to practice blood-letting for any old ailment these days.
If there is one calling in life that seems to have stayed as hard as ever – and even got tougher – it’s that of a parent, and especially a mother. Yes, Stone Age parents had to worry about a saber-toothed tiger carrying off their little ones. They didn’t have to read countless articles reminding them about that risk.
And yes, we don’t have to worry about saber-toothed tigers anymore. So in many ways parenting has become easier. It’s just that in many others, it’s become more difficult. So how do you cope?
Relax. There is a way to make parenting less stressful without inventing a time machine. It takes a bit of hard work, but it’s worth it. And it’s not some kind of life-hack trick that you’re not going to be able to pull off; it’s time-tested. Quite simply, it’s called drawing on the experience of mothers since the dawn of time.
“Oh. That’s Disappointing.”
Look, in parenthood, there are no shortcuts. Consider that a relief. If there were ways to make parenting stress-free, they would probably create awful parents. The reason that some people become such great parents is that they realize the stakes involved. You’re responsible for at least one little life, and maybe more.
Guess what? You’re going to make mistakes. That line about learning from your mistakes is true – if you don’t make them here and there, the fallout when you do can be immense. Now, guess who else has made mistakes? If you guessed “every parent everywhere, since the dawn of time,” congratulations! You win an invaluable trove of parenting advice.
“That’s A Lot Of Information To Trawl Through…”
It is, yes. The good news is, it’s largely searchable wherever you find it. When you find yourself newly pregnant, you’ll soon notice that people are full of advice. Some of it will be excellent and useful to you. Some of it, not so much.
When it comes to unsolicited advice, a good rule to follow is to listen to the information coming from people who really know you. There is no one correct way to do pretty much anything as a parent. Advice coming from someone who has brought up a few kids, but doesn’t know you beyond the fact that they know you’re pregnant? Maybe it will be useful – but there’s a good chance it’s not.
Your own mother will have plenty of advice and, as she knows you, she is worth listening to. You’ve turned out pretty well, after all. Close friends and family are also unlikely to give you advice that doesn’t mesh with your personality.
People who do not know you, however, are always liable to give you advice that worked for them. The only problem with that is, you aren’t them. Listen to them by all means – but filter their advice through the knowledge that your situation is not always going to be like theirs.
Caught In The Web: How Useful Is Online Parenting Advice?
The internet is full of advice on just about everything you’re ever going to do. Behind healthy eating, parenting is towards the top of that list in terms of volume of information. You can probably see where this is going, can’t you?
There is a marked difference between “lots of information” and “lots of useful information.” For everything wonderful the internet has handed us, strict quality control is not its strong point. Some sources, like the Tummy2mummy website and similar, will have reliable and useful advice for you.
Other sites may not be so useful. Think about what you want your experience to be like and judge whether each site is for you. Remember that there are cases where people offer advice according to an agenda. In some cases this can be quite extreme – it’s not unheard of to see blogs advising you to “ignore what your doctor tells you.” Don’t ignore what your doctor tells you.
As previously mentioned, there aren’t any short cuts in parenting. There really shouldn’t be. Short cuts are for getting home when you’re running late. Your child, as you know, is worth more than that. Each aspect of parenting from the perfect to the painful should be experienced in full. The lessons you will learn help you be a better parent. We can all, always, afford to be better at parenting.
Finding Your Own Path?
There is something to be said for taking a minimum of advice from others and following your own instincts as much as possible. Every mother forges a strong bond with their own child, which starts the moment they know they are pregnant. It’s this instinct that persuades us to “nest” towards the final trimester – to keep the baby safe and everyone we love close to us.
While parenting is hard, it really isn’t rocket science. Some of the great achievers of our time and of times past were, obviously, born to mothers who had never read guides on how to do it “right.” They trusted their judgment, and the children turned out fine. For pivotal, crunch decisions, by all means, take as much advice as you can bear. For others, trust yourself.
Parenting has not become more difficult across the years. There are now more people ready to judge how another mother raises her own child. There are more ways to read about different people’s parenting miracles. But the most important feedback you’ll ever get is from your own child. If they grow up happy and healthy, that’s really all that matters.